During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
