Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
