I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
