he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
