what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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