My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
