I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
