Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have fence marks all over my body
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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