how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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