Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
