Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Boobs are out for the taking
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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