I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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