One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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