just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
