I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
