i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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