I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
