oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
