She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
