please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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