Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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