the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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