so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
