Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
