they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
