Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
