like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
