I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
