I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
