you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
