Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
