I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
