look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
