Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
