I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
