he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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