My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
