Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
