Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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