I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
