I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
