Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
