Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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