Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
