I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
