i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
