how hairy? two words: wookie tits
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
