I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
