I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
