Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
