Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
