i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
