Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
