we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
