I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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