and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
