Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
