You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
